Not to go all alpha male on everyone, but I recently made my fourth appearance on The Real Life Survival Guide. This obviously impressive milestone means I now exude the musk of radio dominance. With my place among the lions of broadcasting, Bruce and Duo secure, I will now give my expert take on episode 39.
At Carmen Anthony’s Steakhouse, we feted on chop salad and shrimp and had what a friend of mine calls, a BLT; a big-life-talk. We discussed the rudeness of correcting people, the DMV, Celebrities, the narcissism of self promotion and the big question; how to live a happy life.
It may not come as a surprise since my declaration of alpha status, that narcissism and rudeness were the topics I put forth. On the question of when it’s rude to correct someone we decided that rude is stating, “Excuse me, your cavernous plumbers butt is an appalling eyesore.” Not rude, “Hello, you have a hint of garnish on your tooth.” We also discussed why people worship celebrities and how Bruce wants to see Snooki on Downton Abbey. Duo entered a Kafkaesque nightmare at the DMV because he failed to declare quickly and unequivocally that, “I am Lord Dickinson and I demand satisfaction!” That’s how the DMV works right?
Laura Campbell asked the big question; “how can we live happy lives?” Duo mentioned religion as a possible source, Laura wondered if achievement leads to happiness, Jud offered a combination of Thorazine and charity work as a possible answer, but being shallow, I feel that deep happiness only comes from buying a really great app for my iphone.
Answers are hard to come by and we live in a confusing age. Socrates never had to ponder why the Kardashians are famous. Aristotle never worried if Plato was reading his Twitter feed. These are modern problems and we may not have found all the solutions, but I left Carmen Anthony’s with three empirical truths;
- The chop salad at Carmen Anthony’s is awesome.
- It is not rude to tell someone they have parsley in their teeth.
- I’ve been on the show four times. My territory is marked. Do not look me directly in the eye.