I have also included suggestions from Cindy.

Let’s keep it going; are we missing anything?!?

–

cover image by SqueakyMarmot

Gerry McGuire took his love of history, trivia, comedy, literature, music and film and turned himself into a pop culture quoting, chat machine. He is like Cliff Claven from Cheers if Cliff Claven was stunningly handsome, awesomely funny and unbelievably humble. He fancies himself what the French would describe as a raconteur or what Americans call, a loud mouth. Gerry writes for Milford Living Magazine, sings in the Celtic rock band The Butcher Boys and is a stay at home dad.

I watched “The Story of Film: An Odyssey” and loved it, but I need something new!!!

I’m looking for old, new, documentaries, a foreign television series - anything that you think is really, really good.

(Image by Ilya Sedykh)

Oh, another good one on Netflix Streaming: “House of Cards” with Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright.

Amazing.

note: we at RLSG are not on the payroll for netflix, it’s just the service we like to use right now…

When I read the article, a light went on. Lately I’ve been trying to articulate the specific problem that the Real Life Survival Guide is trying to solve, and there it was; we often think we’re on the right track… but the facts can show that we’re not.

Image by Pebbledash Grey

What’s The Goal?

The idea, then, is to identify common problems, and to share resources for finding our collective way forward.

With this in mind, I’ve decided to take some time off from producing the weekly radio show so that we can can focus our attention on this website, the Facebook Page and the YouTube Channel. (The real time interaction – and the ability to present and archive individual topics – feels very compelling right now.) The plan is to experiment with less frequent full length radio shows.

This afternoon on WNPR you’ll be hearing NPR’s amazing TED Radio Hour. In place of a new episode of the RLSG, I offer you  the opportunity to take a look back at what we’ve done so far; the podcast of our first episode, recorded back in June, 2011, is available by clicking here.

I also offer you an experimental video I made yesterday morning.

I must warn you, it’s a rambling six minutes 51 seconds you’ll never get back, but please consider it a “box of chocolates” – from me – on Easter Sunday.

In the mean time, worlds have collided, and I’ve decided to pay homage. You see, in that first 2011 episode, we ended up at Richter’s on Chapel Street – only to discover that the bar, a New Haven institution for years, was about to close.

This is where it all comes together.

Jason Soocinski had helped us put together a food show last summer, and he invited, among others, Bun Lai from Miya’s Sushi, and a new friend from the farmers market, Avi Szapiro, and good things are happening for all three.

Richter’s is about to reopen – having received a lot of TLC from it’s new owners: Jason and his brother! Bun is a semifinalist for a James Beard Award, and Avi is about to formally open his new restaurant, called Roia, in a beautifully restored space in the old Taft Hotel.

SOOOO… to honor these impressive achievements, we offer our best wishes to Jason, Bun and Avi, with this congratulatory rebroadcast of Episode 54 of The Real Life Survival Guide.

–

Image by Natalie Maynor

If any of yesterday’s broadcast sounded familiar, well, that’s because it was/is. Although we recorded this show more than a year ago (in October no less), between the thoroughly Gaelic atmosphere, lilting accents and rib-sticking Irish grub, we just had to dust off Episode 19 with green feathers and bring it out just in time for this year’s St. Pat’s festivities. It was tempting fate not to do that.

Turns out, Bruce and I have decided to shake things up a wee bit more. For the next several Sundays, we’ll be cutting pasting, and reinventing some of the most stellar moments from past episodes and mixing them into NEW RLSG Mash-Ups. We cannot wait to stir together a sprinkle of humor here, a dash of wisdom there…. and blend hundreds of past conversations into a strange new RLSG brew. What will it taste like? Honestly, we don’t know quite yet. We’re hoping that these repurposed radio moments will guide us towards a more purposeful mission.

With each Mash-Up, we plan on inserting FRESH content onto the website and FB page. And people—please, please, that’s where you come in. We really want YOUR feedback, posts and comments on the whole shebang. Oh, and one last thing: We plan to experiment with recording entirely new radio audio segments with (wait for it…) VIDEO to enhance the true zeit of the RLS-Geist. 3-D glasses not required.

–

Image by Will Clayton

So here goes.

In our discussion about “surviving” being parents of college aged children our panel covered a wide array of subjects with some depth and much insight. Mostly, we talked about how to help our kids navigate through the college experience and help them grow into adulthood.

It was all appropriate and the children should always be the priority, however, we did not go deeply into how we as parents can survive the MONEY situation.

Seriously people, this is a big deal!

Admittedly, I might have been the only panelist who has this concern but… as a divorced, still single, self-employed (read one income and financial roller-coaster!) person…I am buried in college tuition debt.

Forever.

Unless, I hit the lottery or marry a fairy princess (a guy can hope, can’t he?).

Increasingly, my situation is representative of so many Americans. We want the best for our children and find it impossible to say no; they must reach for the stars.

But what the kids don’t yet realize is…

There’s a very good chance they’ll be reaching for my wheelchair as they take care of me toward the end of my life, rather than me living in a fancy retirement community designed by Duo Dickinson.

Since this, after all, is The Real Life Survival Guide, I have some advice for parents whose children are not yet college age.

Bring balance to the college finance equation and determine your bottom line. Specifically, make sure your kid has at least some skin in the financial part of their higher education and let him or her know exactly how much you are willing to spend.

If you’re like me and want to give your children the sun and the moon, but cannot afford to do so, you’ll be glad you did.

And so will your kids. Eventually.

That’s what I call real life surviving.

–

Image by Tax Credits

In one skit Jim Carrey plays a teenager who literally has not been disconnected from his mom. Yes, the umbilical cord still projected from his Hawaiian shirt at the belly button, and a 10 foot long, thick umbilical cord went from there up his Boomer Mamma’s skirt in permanent maternal control and sustenance.

Mom not only controlled her son’s movements, but regularly made him lose consciousness in response to his desire for independence by kinking the blood/oxygen flow with a simple bent squeeze of the cord. Clearly a guffaw-producing absurdity, but now, 20 years later, I see the deeper, darker metaphor this skit’s central sight gag embodies.

So many Boomers, mostly raised in the mostly benign neglect of our Greatest Generation Parents, felt compelled to Frankenstein our kinders’ resumes, pysches, interests and schedules to create the Perfect Child. The results are kids who cannot cope unless the umbilical remains unkinked and flowing.

But once the spawn flee to the semi-independent realm of college, the new unending array of techno-tethers – texting, Face Book, Skype, phone calls and the now super lame e-mails allow for missives 24/7. This link is as abiding as that umbilical cord prop – its manipulation as affecting and its presence as inhibiting of the natural order of things as Carrey’s Mom.

I am glad to have these links, but, increasingly I am beginning to sense that level of unlimited info flow can retard the natural progression from post-fetus to post-graduate.

The problem is that the umbilical flows 2 ways – we parents are nourished by it as well, and feel as panicked and deflated as Jim Carrey felt when Mom crimped the cord when the connection is shut-off by the inevitable truth that humans grow up to be independent entities.

The real issue is in our mutual expectations. The Boomer parent-child dynamic has both overburdened our maturing post adolescent children with patterns of co-dependence that are unsustainable, and has warped that inherently asymmetric relationship into a simulation of friendship between equals. Forget about parent-child: How often does anybody feel deep abiding friendship for anyone who is 25 or 35 years older or younger?

I am completely devoted to my children, they have been my wife’s and my Prime Directive for almost 25 years, but they are not just my friends, nor should they ever believe that we are just a hip older couple who groove on their “flow”. Not happenin’. Parents have to reserve the right to pull rank, be judgmental and rain on any number of parades to prevent greater pains than the buzz kill of any asymmetric power-play we impose on our kids might cause.

The awkward hands-off mindset of my own parents’ incoherent parenting approach meant I called them every few weeks while in college and less when out on my own. That lack of intimacy ultimately meant that I could be fairly together and “responsible” when they passed away.

As my generation weaves ourselves further into our children’s day-to-day and lag-bolts that umbilical connection into a permanent status, we create an impossible conundrum for our kids. When we die (oh, and BTW, that can’t be avoided) our children will not only lose the living history of intimate love that is a natural bond between parent and child, our children may also be confronted with the loss of their life concierge, career consultant, dietitian, rabbi and sex adviser. Not good.

So as I pick up my phone and receive another text or email or call, I feel the familiar love, fear and desire to viciously protect that is natural for any parent. But when those natural impulses are projected upon 20-somethings, it perpetuates a connection that Jim Carrey so rightfully and outrageously mocked – the freeze-framing of a relationship that by all natural order should be term-limited.

Growing up is a 2 way street – for kids it’s a simple natural progression – for parents it has to include ending our desire to freeze our relationship with our children at a time when they were, well, children. We cannot defy gravity, and we cannot pretend that our central role as humans – perpetuation of the species – does not have an end point before we reach our endpoint. Not easy, but natural.

–

Image by Tim Green

We met over wood-fired pizza at Da Legna, a new restaurant on State Street in New Haven, and the conversation was almost as good as the pies!

Duo Dickinson has written seven books on architecture. His latest, “Staying Put: Remodel Your House to Get the Home You Want”, was published by The Taunton Press in November 2011.

He has been the contributing writer for home design for Money Magazine, is the architecture critic for the New Haven Register, and a contributing writer in home design for New Haven magazine. He has written articles for more than a dozen national publications including House Beautiful, Home, Fine Homebuilding and was the “At Home” editor for This Old House.

Susannah Bailin is currently a serial volunteer in New Haven, a past/present/future Board Member of Tower One, Women’s Health Research at Yale, Read To Grow, Long Wharf Theatre, and the Harvard Club of Southern Connecticut. In previous chapters of her life, Susannah received an MBA, worked in Venture Capital and ran a career development company in Cambridge MA. She is the proud wife of a former and future guest editor on RLSG and mother of three fabulous daughters, two of whom are in college and one is in her senior year in high school.

Susan Jacobs has practiced law for more than thirty years, devoting her practice to Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Law (You can reach Susan by email; susan@jacobslawmediation.com)

She is active in community theater and has served on numerous boards and commissions in the Town of Woodbridge.

Alan E. Kazdin, PhD, ABPP is the John M. Musser Professor of Psychology and Child Psychiatry at Yale University and Director of the Yale Parenting Center, an outpatient treatment service for children and families.  At Yale, he has been Chairman of the Psychology Department, Director of the Yale Child Study Center at the School of Medicine, and Director of Child Psychiatric Services at Yale-New Haven Hospital.  Kazdin’s research has focused primarily on the treatment of aggressive and antisocial behavior in children referred for inpatient and outpatient care.  His approximately 700 publications include 48 books that focus on interventions for children and adolescents, cognitive-behavioral treatment, parenting and child rearing, interpersonal violence, and research methodology.  His work on parenting and childrearing has been featured on NPR, PBS, CNN, the BBC, and he has appeared on the Today Show, Good Morning America, ABC News, 20/20, and Dr. Phil.  His awards include the Outstanding Research Contribution by an Individual Award (ABCT), Outstanding Lifetime Contributions to Psychology and Distinguished Scientific Award for the Applications of Psychology (American Psychological Association), and the James McKeen Cattell Award (Association for Psychological Science).  He is a past-president of ABCT and the American Psychological Association.

Jon Crane operates Critical PR, a public relations firm that provides communications counseling services to organizations and individuals that are in the public spotlight, handling sensitive communications issues, or seeking to influence policymakers and/or public opinion.

Jon’s most recently completely project was handling the media campaign to repeal Connecticut’s death penalty.

Jon is a former news anchor at WTNH-TV in New Haven and currently appears as one of six “contributors” to the nationally broadcast PBS television series My Generation hosted by Leeza Gibbons.

(I learned to edit audio on a reel-to-reel tape recorder.)

Over the past few years, I’ve watched as we’ve gone from a nation of people that watched five channels in black and white – and grooved to “One is the Loneliest Number” by Three Dog Night – to one that carries the great books, movies, music and television shows (not to mention the ability to text) in one’s pocket.

Mind blown.

Fast forward twenty five years. I’m recording and editing radio shows, digitally, on a personal computer. Mind blown again.

Recently, I decided to learn how to use a more powerful piece of audio recording and editing software –  Logic Pro 9.

Nearing success, I recorded this video. I was excited.

UPDATE: I’ve been producing all of my evening continuity for WNPR since February 19th in Logic, and it’s opened a new world of possibilities. Thanks, Apple!

I also hope to do cool things with the Real Life Survival Guide with Logic in 2013. We have a great conversation about parenting college aged kids that will air on Sunday, March 10th, and then we’ll begin a retrospective of some of the work we’ve don over the past 19 months.

I hope you’ll come along for the ride – and will feel free to share your thought in any of the “comments” sections – on YouTube, on Facebook, and right here in the RLSG!

–

Image by Nesster

Joining me at the beautiful new restaurant Indgo by the Water in Milford were Jocelyn Maminta, Jud Smith, Raeleen Mautner, Holly Adam and Licensed Professional Counselor Amanda Romaniello.

Over her distinguished 20-year broadcast career, Emmy Award nominated News 8 Medical reporter Jocelyn Maminta has anchored and reported for televisions stations in North Carolina, Milwaukee, Texas and Connecticut. A political science graduate of the University of Missouri in Columbia, Jocelyn works tirelessly for many nonprofits across Connecticut. She has been honored countless times for her efforts. She serves on the Board of Friends of Yale-New Haven Children’s Hospital, the Arts Council of Greater New Haven, and is a member of the Junior League of Greater New Haven.

Jocelyn is co-founder of Caroline’s Room, a safe haven for families coping with the challenges and uncertainties surrounding the birth of a premature baby. She is also the Founder and CEO of Frangi Pangi, fine hosiery for that bare legged look for women of all colour. Made in the USA with profits supporting Caroline’s Room.

Jud Smith is the Superintendent at Orange Hills Country Club in Orange, Connecticut, a public golf course that has been in the Smith family since 1949.

Raeleen Mautner, Ph.D. is a Life Coach, self-help blogger and Author of “Living la Dolce Vita” and a next book to be released in the Srping of ’13 “Lemons into Limoncello”.

She is also the producer and host of “The Art of Living Well” on WNHU Mondays at 7AM and works as a stress-reduction behaviorist for a heart study at Yale.

Our resident fashionista, Holly Adam has spent thirty years in the rag trade. From shopgirl to Bloomingdale’s Men’s Fashion Director to luxury retail business owner, Holly has seen (and worn) it all. She’s sourced the finest cashmere in the countryside of Scotland and sat in the front rows in Milan and Paris. When not style-spotting, Holly is at the whim of her beloved Scottish terrier Eddie or whipping up a delicacy or two in her kitchen.

It should be noted that she and Mr. Barber share great enthusiasm for their alma mater, Hobart William Smith Colleges.

Amanda D. Romaniello, LPC is the Coordinator of Clinical Services for the Darien and New Canaan Family Centers/Center for Hope.

–

This episode is dedicated, with love, to our friends and neighbors in Newtown, Connecticut.